Stop Hitting Me! Domestic Violence and Its Impact on the Family Unit

By Hugh V. Collins and Syreeta L. McNeal, CPA, JD

I know everyone is talking about the alleged domestic assault and battery that occurred between Chris Brown and Rihanna during the weekend of February 7 – 8, 2009. Recently, MTV, US Weekly and People magazine did specials or cover stories regarding the incident. Gossip organizations like Mediatakeout.com and TMZ.com all had their spin on what transpired. Many people are expressing outrage and taking sides. Some people have stated that Rihanna must have done something and deserved to get beat by Chris Brown while others believe that Chris Brown had no right whatsoever to lay a hand on Rihanna regardless of the argument between them. Well, domestic abuse is more common and more people in the U.S. and in the world have witnessed some form of domestic abuse in their lives or among their families. According to the U.S. Department of Justice’s Bureau of Justice Statistics report in 2005, one in 320 households were affected by intimate partner violence. Also, they report that female victims are more likely to be victimized by intimates than male victims.

So, if we are going to talk about domestic violence, let’s REALLY TALK about it. Not just give a he said, she said viewpoint. This article will explore the historical aspect of domestic abuse, identify the true aggressor, analyze the impact of abuse on the family unit, and list options people can do to minimize the damaging and criminal impact of domestic violence. This article will present both a male and female viewpoint so that both sides are fairly represented. Our goal is to not preach or accuse anyone here. This article is designed to make people aware that domestic abuse is of common occurrence in our society, it is not related solely to Chris Brown and Rihanna’s incident, and give people options to undertake to help minimize the damaging impact of it.

Historical Perspective of Domestic Abuse and Reform Efforts

Most people don’t realize that there is an 1824 Mississippi Supreme Court case, Bradley v. State, that legitimized domestic abuse and what was acceptable in society. The Mississippi Supreme Court stated the following in its opinion: “Family broils and dissentions cannot be investigated before the tribunals of the country, without casting a shade over the character of those who are unfortunately engaged in the controversy. To screen from public reproach those who may be thus unhappily situated, let the husband be permitted to exercise the right of moderate chastisement, in cases of great emergency, and use salutary restraints in every case of misbehavior, without being subjected to vexatious prosecutions, resulting in the mutual discredit and shame of all parties concerned.” See Bradley v. State, 1 Miss. 156 (MS 1824).

Examples of moderate chastisement include the wife having bruises, being bloodied, or being raped by her husband. Bradley codified the rule under the old common law (or judge made law in England). Thank goodness Bradley was overruled in 1894 by the Mississippi Supreme Court in Harris v. State. See Harris v. State, 14 So. 266 (MS 1894). But, the lasting impacting of what has been acceptable as moderate chastisement as defined under the old common law and codified in American law seems to show a troubling acceptance of this behavior in American society and around the world. Anybody remember the movie, What's Love Got to Do With It, where Angela Bassett and Laurence Fishburne reenacted the marital rape that existed between Ike and Tina Turner. Well, as the law identified, marital rape was acceptable under the old common law and in American society. No wonder Tina Turner or any other wife who experiences marital rape from her husband believes they will not be able to find help if this was the law.

There are periods of reform against family violence in American history. From 1640 to 1680, the Puritans of colonial Massachusetts enacted the first laws in the world against wife beating and “unnatural severity” to children. From 1874 to 1890, Societies for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (SPCC) was created to help battered women and victims of incest. In 1962, five physicians published an article about “the battered child syndrome” in the Journal of the American Medical Association. In the early 1970s, women’s liberation movement analyzed “battered spouse syndrome” and evoked awareness about other forms of wife beating and marital rape. Other types of family violence from abuse of the elderly to sibling violence have come to light as well.

The reason why these distinct periods of reform against family violence occurred in American history resulted as a response to social and political conditions or social movements. In all the reform periods, small organizations and dedicated individuals (ministers, millionaires, physicians, temperance activists, and women’s liberationists) made family violence a social issue that demanded public attention.

Identifying the Aggressor in Domestic Abuse

Everyone has an inalienable right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness in American society. In tort law and in criminal law, people are allowed to be free of imminent harmful or offensive contact. What is considered harmful or offensive contact has changed. As noted earlier in old common law and in America history, it was generally accepted for a husband or man to do moderate chastisement (e.g. get bloody, beat or rape) their wife or girlfriend without fear of criminal persecution. Since the latest reform in the 1970’s, women are now considered to be equal to men under the law. That means women have the right to defend themselves against any type of violence initiated by their partners. Now, I am not sure that most people understand this legal change for women when it comes to domestic violence especially when one in 320 households where affected by intimate partner violence as reported by the U.S. Department of Justice’s Bureau of Justice Statistics report in 2005.

But let us re-iterate everyone has a right to defend themselves. This is known in criminal law as the affirmative defense of self-defense. The general rule is that a person has the right to use like force in defense of oneself. For example, if a person approaches you with a knife to rob you, you have the right under the law to defend yourself with a similar type of weapon. A knife is considered a dangerous, lethal weapon. So, a person can defend themselves with a knife, a gun or any other type of weapon. What is not considered self-defense is when a person is only verbally assaulted and the person retaliates with his or her fist or a weapon. This example is not an example of self-defense because it is not using like use of force. So, if a person uses their fist when a person is only using verbal assaults, the person using greater force than the initial argument will be considered the aggressor.

Now, if during an argument where it appears one person is retreating and still the other party continues the physical assault, then the person continuing the physical assault will be considered the aggressor even if they did not initially start the altercation. So, the aggressor is defined as the person who acts in a way that would provoke a reasonable person to use physical force for protection. Some people think verbal assaults do provoke a person to use physical force for protection. That is one reason why people justify domestic violence with statements like Rihanna must have done something to have Chris Brown hit her. However, under the law, verbal assaults SHOULD NOT provoke a person to use physical force for protection. If any person does do this, the person (man or woman) has the right to defend themselves or bring civil or criminal charges of assault and battery against you in a court of law.

Domestic Abuse’s Lingering Impact on the Family Unit

Domestic abuse is about a person exerting control over another human being with either mental abuse or physical violence. Domestic abuse is a generational issue that has its origins from children modeling the same behavior that their parents or parental guardians exhibited in their relationships.

Proverbs 22:6 states “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Usually, this scripture refers to parents (or guardians of children) taking heed to train their children to be God fearing, loving and decent representatives of their faith in society. When the child becomes an adult, they usually will keep these same principles they received as from their parents and replicate the behavior towards their children as they rear them. But, what this scripture really points out is that any training you give to your child will result in the child likely replicating the behavior when they become an adult. Hence, if a child sees domestic abuse among their parents (or stepparents), they will likely replicate the behavior when they become an adult.

That is generally what Chris Brown is doing when he beats on Rihanna or any girl as a matter of fact. Chris Brown witnessed either his father or his step-father beating on his mother and in his subconscious mind, he thinks this type of behavior by a man against any woman they are intimate with is the way you should treat a woman. Consciously, Chris Brown has stated publicly that he thinks any form of domestic violence is wrong. However, by his father or step-father continuing to beat his mother and his mother continuing to stay in the relationship for whatever reason, the male child has modeled the behavior of the father figure in his life. The same thing happens to girls when domestic violence occurs in their family unit. If girls witness their mother staying in a relationship that is abusive, they generally will be attracted to men who are abusive when they become adults. Girls think, just like their mothers, if I just do something differently, the abuse will stop. The sad part is that most times the domestic abuse does not stop.

Another illustration is from the movie Men of Honor where the initials "ASNF" were clearly scribed into Carl Brashear's transistor radio given to him by his father, a share cropper. Carl’s father believed that if he was able to teach his son anything, it would be the value of hard work, dedication, and fighting a good fight. Through his earlier teachings, Carl learned these values by watching and learning from his father. The letters "ASNF" which meant "A Son Never Forgets" was later learnt by his nemesis, Master Chief Billy Sunday, whom also came from the tough life of a share cropper. Master Chief Billy Sunday was a man who would do anything in his power to ensure Carl Brashear would flunk out of diving school. Unfortunately for the Master Chief, Carl's early childhood lessons were far more potent and persuasive which allowed him to painstakingly accept his adversity and fight to overcome them. His lessons were so deeply imbedded that not even a hateful Master Chief could break him. In the end, he helped make him better when he realized that his father had taught him lessons a son would never forget.

As a child, I witnessed several incidents of child abuse and some degree of spousal abuse. I also had friends suffer the same fate as preteens. There were factual events that occurred and many I would hope were fictional, but that was not the case.

I clearly remember one particular day that would have me question the meaning of a lot of things to come. The sun had already faded for hours and the stars were bright in the sky. I could hear the banging on the back door of my next door neighbor's house, loud voices screaming and yelling at my friend's father to stop and leave his wife alone. He had to have been in another state of mind because none of his friends could persuade him otherwise, and he was willing to listen to no one.

He continued to sharpen the cutlass, and threaten to take her with him if he had to go down. With a crowbar in hand, he pried the windows open. With four children, three boys and one girl, all less than eight years-old, witnessed and agonized over what was transpiring. I continued looking through my window in disbelief. I though he was going to kill them.

The result of that night was not as fatal as I thought it would be, but I awoke the next morning to hear the tales of how afraid they were, and how they would never want the same thing to happen to anyone they love. However, their actions would later reveal something quite different. Two of the boys would often get into fights with women and often got caned in school. They were very short tempered and did not care who they had to hurt to get what they wanted. Feeling abandoned, stories of that night would often surface, while their faces grimaced and they wished they were older to take revenge on their father. There were several spousal beatings after that night and their mother would hide under the guise of shame and make-up. He was not in the picture much after that. Their childhood fights became more intense as they grew into adulthood. The three younger kids were able to control their aggression towards each other, but the oldest male child grew more rebellious and abusive, verbally and physically.

The oldest male child had another incident of child abuse from his father where he was beaten repeatedly while naked, for fighting with a schoolmate who happened to be the child of his father’s mistress. Imagine yourself getting beaten by your own father for fighting with a child of your father’s mistress all because that child found out about the affair and wanted his father for his own mother.

After witnessing such a personal account of what spousal or child abuse had done to such young children at the time, it brings me back to the point that, regardless of the situation while being groomed as a child, negative or positive outcomes are inevitable because a child will never forget the abuse they have had to endure and live through.

One thing to keep in mind is this did not happen in the United States, this happened in Jamaica. The rules are different as there is very little accountability for one's actions when it comes to the family unit. Many times, law enforcement gets involved when it is already too late. If you are lucky, you will be beaten for most of your childhood and you deal with it by sucking it up, and saying to yourself, "what doesn't kill me will make me stronger."

There are just some things in life one never forgets and it will forever impact the relationships you have with people, whether you realize it or not. It can change who you are and if the wound is deep enough, you may stay that way until you are forced to rest forever. The point I am trying to make is no matter what your situation, as a child in the home, whether stable or broken, you learn the teachings of your parents without realizing you are being taught something you will most likely carry with you for life.

Measures to Take to Minimize Domestic Abuse

A. Psychological Measures

De-programming is the key. Og Mandino wrote in “The Greatest Salesman in the World” the following passage: “Good habits are the key to all success. Bad habits are the unlocked door to failure. Thus, the first law I will obey, which precedeth all others is – I will form good habits and become their slave. As a child I was slave to my impulses; now I am slave to my habits as are all grown men. I have surrendered my free will to the years of accumulated habits and the past deeds of my life have already marked out a path which threatens to imprison my future. My actions are ruled by appetite, passion, prejudice, greed, love, fear, environment, habit, and the worst of these tyrants is habit. Therefore, if I must be a slave to habit let me be a slave to good habits. My bad habits must be destroyed and new furrows prepared for good seed.”

If you have witnessed or been a part of domestic abuse, each person must take it upon themselves to deprogram their minds into accepting domestic abuse as a way of settling any argument. Usually, domestic violence involves matters of the heart. Someone feels so connected to an individual that they are so enraged that they must use violence to subdue their partner. Well, I have news for men (or women) who use violence to subdue their partners. Slavery or any form of indentured servitude ended with the passage of the 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution that abolished slavery in 1865. Also, women are not your property to be hit on. If we truly value the person and believe everyone has a right to self-defense against an assault or battery, then the same rule must apply.

There are many counselors who are available to help cope with domestic abuse for those who are victims and those who are the abusers. In almost every city in the United States, there is a domestic violence shelter for women and children that will be able to provide a safe haven, counseling, and means to take either civil or criminal actions against the domestic abuser. Please contact your courthouse or ask the police department to give you contact information of the domestic violence shelter in your area. These shelters must be kept confidential for fear of retribution by the domestic abuser on the victim of the abuse.

B. Civil Protective or Restraining Order System

Any person who is receiving threats, been abused or has family members such as a child or parent abused can file an Adult Abuse Order of Protection (or Temporary Restraining Order) in the state civil courts. Usually, these petitions are free to file and the hearing occurs within 10 to 15 days. Both parties are allowed to present their sides of the matter. The plaintiff has to prove that more likely than not (or greater than 50%) the abuse happened. The more evidence (e.g. pictures of abuse, witnesses, etc…) a plaintiff has, the more the court will rule in the plaintiff’s favor. Usually a temporary restraining order will range from 6 months until a full year where both parties are prevented from being within the vicinity of the other party. If the defendant violates the temporary restraining order in effect, the defendant can be hauled to jail for violating the court’s order. There is also a Child Order of Protection available as well for minor children who have been abused. Please contact your respective civil county courts for information regarding these petitions.

C. Criminal Justice System

Another avenue available is when the county prosecutor files a criminal charge of assault and battery or the like. Unlike civil proceedings where the victim initiates the action, the county prosecutor files the charge on behalf of the state where the action occurred. Under criminal law, a conviction against the defendant will occur if there is evidence beyond a reasonable doubt (or greater than 99%) that the defendant did the alleged crime. In criminal cases, there is a mens rea (mental state of the defendant) and an actus reus (act of the crime) where both have to be proven by the county prosecutor in a trial. Currently, the Los Angeles County Prosecutor is informing the police to get more evidence available on Chris Brown before they feel comfortable that they can get a jury of Brown’s peers to convict him on any criminal charge they present. Usually, the criminal avenue is difficult because evidence is lacking to meet the criminal burden. In domestic violence cases with intimate partners, victims are less willing to cooperate with authorities for fear of retribution by their partners once they get out. But, if the county prosecutor is able to get enough evidence to convict, the victim has a better chance of minimizing the reoccurrence of violence by their partner.

Source:

Clare Dalton & Elizabeth M. Schneider, Battered Women and the Law 9-11 (2001).

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